I know how I feel only through the music I hear... Not by the words I know...

The Hazaars movement for the Annas, the paisas and the rupees

No I am not against protests... More so the peaceful ones... In fact, I am really happy to see the mass movement that is happening (no I do not smell jasmine or any other flower just yet)... But I have a small question... How many people REALLY know what the movement is all about? Specifically, what the Bill is supposed to have and not have? I am no expert and I am sure like me there are many people who are against corruption and are happy that "some" law will be passed which addresses the cause... I do not want to think about the Bill at all... That is not really for mere mortals like me who did not even have the opportunity see inside a Vidhan Sabha (Yes, I missed my school trip to the Vidhan Sabha!)... I want to think about corruption as a person... About what a common man sees in his everyday life...

Is corruption (and I mean the petty bribes and all) really that bad? Let me be clearer about what I mean... Imagine you are caught by the traffic police for drunk driving... How bad is your urge to stop yourself from being in the courtroom by offering a bribe to the cop (who by the way earns probably 1/10th of your annual salary and has a greater urge to take the bribe)? Now when you do offer the bribe and he accepts it who is at fault? Should you not be under the Lokpal Bill for "offering" a bribe?

OK... So you have a passport, right? How many of you needed the passport like really urgently? OK... Some of you did... Now did you not have the urge to offer a small "tip" to just get the files moving a little faster in the government's conveyor belt (even though you have no clue whether the belt will really move faster because of your "tip")? Now are you at fault or the person who probably didn't ask but did accept it (who didn't want the extra money)?

Anyway, I am no moral guardian... The bureaucracy is horrible... The politicians are pathetic... And some of the priviledged citizens are above all possible limbs of law, order and social norms... But to remove corruption you can't enforce it... You can't rule out mutually beneficial corruption... Scams have always been part of any nation... Some big, some small and some which change the course of a nation... But a Bill is not a solution.. It will never be... Because corruption (or the root of it all - Greed) is innante in a human being... You will still continue to enjoy your "on-the-rocks" and drive back your car... You would still want your work to be done before others... You would continue to try and find a shortcut in all that you do; in work or otherwise...

The Bill would probably put a questioning authority to the whole system in the country... Agreed that it might be good... The Election Commission is a similar independent body but does that stop rigging? Anyway... I am naive... Not well-read enough to think like others do and hence I just question... I agree to learn more... But till then I stick to my thoughts...

By the way, what are kids and foreigners doing in the protest marches all over the country? I guess they know more than I do... Hmmm... Anyway, I support anti-corruption movement but I think a Bill is no solution... Period... Where is my scotch?

(Oh... By the way I don't know how to drive and I waited a solid few months for my passport to come even after paying for the sweets and savouries for the police-kakus...)

A weird sense of uneasiness creeps into my mind... Sometimes it is fear, sometimes its is expectations and sometimes it's just a feeling of not knowing the future... It comes and goes and flitters and flatters... But why... Oh why!!!

For a long time I wondered, what is it that is feeling so heavy? Is it a sad movie I have seen lately? Is it something that I wanted badly and didn't get? Or is it just that I am bored of most things? The more I wonder, the more I get irritated...

I think I just need a nice break... Break from work, break from the city and break from all the things I am doing... Need the trip back home and more importantly clear up my head and stay focussed...

A day will come when I will get just one chance and not squander it all away...

After a long time...

Here I am... Waiting for just 1 e-mail and then a 5 minute work... I have 3 hours to kill... I started with reading Jo's blog, then it was Ru's and then Rohini's... With a lot of reluctance I opened my blog and decided to write something... It has been long since I wrote anything... And I mean anything...

I have left South India for good... So good-bye Hyderabad... Presently in Mumbai which is supposed to be the "city of broken dreams" according to one of my friends... Well, I am safe then... I do not have much dreams to see in this city as of now...

Back from a back-to-back Goa trip... Great time I/we had... For the first time I drove a two wheeler which had an engine... (That was a super lame statement)... Whatever, this weekend is going to be the last fun-filled weekend for a long time to come... Drab... Blah blah...Drab...

Anyway, Happy New Year to all who takes a glance at this post...

Enjoy....

(Yet another bored, stupid and lame post. By the way, go watch 3 Idiots... It's good and please don't miss out on Avatar... Just for the sake of the experience...)

It's been long since I wrote something. Here, I am again. It's 6 in the morning and I am wide awake. Did you ask why? Ahhh.. Well, nothing really... Absolutely nothing... Anyway my days in Hyderabad still continue... Work has become all the more uncertain and irritating... Sometimes I wish I had been a bit more serious in my studies... Might have just gone for a PhD... The very next moment I think... "Naah, 5 years is too long. What all I can do in this 5 year!!!" MBA seems to be the shortcut to success then... A frantic typing starts only to stop after 10 minutes and realizing "Dude, you need a lot of work-ex"... OK... So where could I shift??? Again frantic typing... Frantic searches... Sorry no jobs... OK... Sigh!!! Smoke a cigarette... Forget all worries and go back to that movie I was watching... Done... Job accomplished... Atleast that's what I tell myself... Atleast I tried... (Loser!!!)

I feel I should do something more constructive (cliched!!!). Like getting to learn French or German or maybe Mandarin... Or maybe read more often... Hmmm... Have to figure out something. Till then I dwell in my phase of complacency... The death of ambitions...

I remember...

How many of us still do this? Close our eyes and forget the present. Take a trip down the memory lane and think about only the good things. What comes to your mind?

To me comes a winter morning. Early morning. Just when the fog is clearing and the sun is trying to shine brightly. But the fog diffuses the light and the warmth and it fills my room. I snuggle my blanket closer. Time to wake up and be on time to catch the bus.

A place abuzz with lively voices. Strange cacophony with a life of its own. The voices together show the character of the place. The voices speak a myriad of qualities. From thoughts of having lunch after skipping breakfast at home to thoughts about how a political unrest in Cambodia needs a voice of protest. Someone starts singing, the strum of guitar, a row of faces stare at the walls searching for a significance of the song in their life.

A starry night with the moon high up. "Spirits" are running "high". Someone starts a topic, others join in. Some move away to have a smoke. Few others join in. A clink and a clank of bottles heard at regular intervals. The conversations continue. A voice breaks into a song. It soon becomes a chorus. Time passes. Sleepy eyes have lost their sleep. Dawn. Time to go to sleep.

An ashtray, a mattress, a packet of cigarette, a lighter, a dark room lit by the light of a laptop. Fingers tap away at the keyboards. Excitedly. Like a baby trying to grapple at anything he lays his hands on. Cool breeze blows and the night has just got older by an hour. The steady sound of a leaky tap. And in front of me a vast expanse of smoke. Taking various shape and playing with each other as they disappear into the air. I don't need to remember this. I am back to reality...