I know how I feel only through the music I hear... Not by the words I know...

The Hazaars movement for the Annas, the paisas and the rupees

No I am not against protests... More so the peaceful ones... In fact, I am really happy to see the mass movement that is happening (no I do not smell jasmine or any other flower just yet)... But I have a small question... How many people REALLY know what the movement is all about? Specifically, what the Bill is supposed to have and not have? I am no expert and I am sure like me there are many people who are against corruption and are happy that "some" law will be passed which addresses the cause... I do not want to think about the Bill at all... That is not really for mere mortals like me who did not even have the opportunity see inside a Vidhan Sabha (Yes, I missed my school trip to the Vidhan Sabha!)... I want to think about corruption as a person... About what a common man sees in his everyday life...

Is corruption (and I mean the petty bribes and all) really that bad? Let me be clearer about what I mean... Imagine you are caught by the traffic police for drunk driving... How bad is your urge to stop yourself from being in the courtroom by offering a bribe to the cop (who by the way earns probably 1/10th of your annual salary and has a greater urge to take the bribe)? Now when you do offer the bribe and he accepts it who is at fault? Should you not be under the Lokpal Bill for "offering" a bribe?

OK... So you have a passport, right? How many of you needed the passport like really urgently? OK... Some of you did... Now did you not have the urge to offer a small "tip" to just get the files moving a little faster in the government's conveyor belt (even though you have no clue whether the belt will really move faster because of your "tip")? Now are you at fault or the person who probably didn't ask but did accept it (who didn't want the extra money)?

Anyway, I am no moral guardian... The bureaucracy is horrible... The politicians are pathetic... And some of the priviledged citizens are above all possible limbs of law, order and social norms... But to remove corruption you can't enforce it... You can't rule out mutually beneficial corruption... Scams have always been part of any nation... Some big, some small and some which change the course of a nation... But a Bill is not a solution.. It will never be... Because corruption (or the root of it all - Greed) is innante in a human being... You will still continue to enjoy your "on-the-rocks" and drive back your car... You would still want your work to be done before others... You would continue to try and find a shortcut in all that you do; in work or otherwise...

The Bill would probably put a questioning authority to the whole system in the country... Agreed that it might be good... The Election Commission is a similar independent body but does that stop rigging? Anyway... I am naive... Not well-read enough to think like others do and hence I just question... I agree to learn more... But till then I stick to my thoughts...

By the way, what are kids and foreigners doing in the protest marches all over the country? I guess they know more than I do... Hmmm... Anyway, I support anti-corruption movement but I think a Bill is no solution... Period... Where is my scotch?

(Oh... By the way I don't know how to drive and I waited a solid few months for my passport to come even after paying for the sweets and savouries for the police-kakus...)

A weird sense of uneasiness creeps into my mind... Sometimes it is fear, sometimes its is expectations and sometimes it's just a feeling of not knowing the future... It comes and goes and flitters and flatters... But why... Oh why!!!

For a long time I wondered, what is it that is feeling so heavy? Is it a sad movie I have seen lately? Is it something that I wanted badly and didn't get? Or is it just that I am bored of most things? The more I wonder, the more I get irritated...

I think I just need a nice break... Break from work, break from the city and break from all the things I am doing... Need the trip back home and more importantly clear up my head and stay focussed...

A day will come when I will get just one chance and not squander it all away...

After a long time...

Here I am... Waiting for just 1 e-mail and then a 5 minute work... I have 3 hours to kill... I started with reading Jo's blog, then it was Ru's and then Rohini's... With a lot of reluctance I opened my blog and decided to write something... It has been long since I wrote anything... And I mean anything...

I have left South India for good... So good-bye Hyderabad... Presently in Mumbai which is supposed to be the "city of broken dreams" according to one of my friends... Well, I am safe then... I do not have much dreams to see in this city as of now...

Back from a back-to-back Goa trip... Great time I/we had... For the first time I drove a two wheeler which had an engine... (That was a super lame statement)... Whatever, this weekend is going to be the last fun-filled weekend for a long time to come... Drab... Blah blah...Drab...

Anyway, Happy New Year to all who takes a glance at this post...

Enjoy....

(Yet another bored, stupid and lame post. By the way, go watch 3 Idiots... It's good and please don't miss out on Avatar... Just for the sake of the experience...)

It's been long since I wrote something. Here, I am again. It's 6 in the morning and I am wide awake. Did you ask why? Ahhh.. Well, nothing really... Absolutely nothing... Anyway my days in Hyderabad still continue... Work has become all the more uncertain and irritating... Sometimes I wish I had been a bit more serious in my studies... Might have just gone for a PhD... The very next moment I think... "Naah, 5 years is too long. What all I can do in this 5 year!!!" MBA seems to be the shortcut to success then... A frantic typing starts only to stop after 10 minutes and realizing "Dude, you need a lot of work-ex"... OK... So where could I shift??? Again frantic typing... Frantic searches... Sorry no jobs... OK... Sigh!!! Smoke a cigarette... Forget all worries and go back to that movie I was watching... Done... Job accomplished... Atleast that's what I tell myself... Atleast I tried... (Loser!!!)

I feel I should do something more constructive (cliched!!!). Like getting to learn French or German or maybe Mandarin... Or maybe read more often... Hmmm... Have to figure out something. Till then I dwell in my phase of complacency... The death of ambitions...

I remember...

How many of us still do this? Close our eyes and forget the present. Take a trip down the memory lane and think about only the good things. What comes to your mind?

To me comes a winter morning. Early morning. Just when the fog is clearing and the sun is trying to shine brightly. But the fog diffuses the light and the warmth and it fills my room. I snuggle my blanket closer. Time to wake up and be on time to catch the bus.

A place abuzz with lively voices. Strange cacophony with a life of its own. The voices together show the character of the place. The voices speak a myriad of qualities. From thoughts of having lunch after skipping breakfast at home to thoughts about how a political unrest in Cambodia needs a voice of protest. Someone starts singing, the strum of guitar, a row of faces stare at the walls searching for a significance of the song in their life.

A starry night with the moon high up. "Spirits" are running "high". Someone starts a topic, others join in. Some move away to have a smoke. Few others join in. A clink and a clank of bottles heard at regular intervals. The conversations continue. A voice breaks into a song. It soon becomes a chorus. Time passes. Sleepy eyes have lost their sleep. Dawn. Time to go to sleep.

An ashtray, a mattress, a packet of cigarette, a lighter, a dark room lit by the light of a laptop. Fingers tap away at the keyboards. Excitedly. Like a baby trying to grapple at anything he lays his hands on. Cool breeze blows and the night has just got older by an hour. The steady sound of a leaky tap. And in front of me a vast expanse of smoke. Taking various shape and playing with each other as they disappear into the air. I don't need to remember this. I am back to reality...

Glimpses...

I have become progressively less creative as days have gone by... Now I am reduced to an absolute nothing... Living in a strange city where people speak in Hindi which is strangely fitted in with words of Telugu... After 10 at night it becomes an adventure to return home... You cannot talk on your cell when walking on the road lest your cell is snatched away... Where am I living???

My dinners have been reduced to sandwiches which are fancifully called subs... My lunch is no more than glancing at an array of taste bud tickling names, then swiping my card to ask for the simplest food available... I miss fish and mutton and all things that I liked... I hate the food that's called "ghar ka khana" coz it tastes nothing like "khana", forget the "ghar ka" part... Hyderabadi biriyani is better prepared in Calcutta...

My weekends are spent sleeping like a log and planning to go and do something more eventful next weekend... My house is exactly in the middle of nowhere and where the world ends... I have to pass a jungle to reach my house... Well the road is the only saving grace... Auto rides are painful when a nauseatic mix of Himesh Reshamiya is added with heavy beats of typical South Indian mindless film music... Lots of pubs and dics with sad ambience... "Touch" lacks any touch of good music... 10 Downing Street seems more like sitting in a house which was forced to turn into a pub since it had a fair amount of furniture... I am sorry but I didn't have the heart to visit any more... Not that I am too keen to...

Anyways my drinking sessions have almost vanished... People here think that dancing their wigs off is partying... Wearing the skimpiest of clothes with no one even sparing a second glance is dressing up... Running for 10 mintes on treadmill is being in shape... Working out means going to gym at 9 at night... "We will have good food" means the afore mentioned "ghar ka khana"...

Restaurants are good compared to other "hanging out" places... Barista and Cafe coffe day are the places where the best coffee and tea is served and over a cup of coffee you have intellectual and deep conversations... If that's so, I have never interacted or participate din converations with people who are content with the Rs2 tea in a broken down shop with a 50p biscuit and able to talk about "Roshomon" and "state space model and Kalman filter" in the same breath... Having intelligent talk means plans to see the world and gather experience (without having any idea about where to apply them or whether they even have the ability to apply)... Did I talk about the people here??? Naah.. No point... The best part of the city is most other cities are overnight journeys... I love that...


Enough of crap... Half of these facts may not be true but I am just in this phase of finding faults... It will go in a day or two and I will talk about nicer things and might just negate all I said just now... :-)

Can I please be a little less worked up???? Help!!

Random Muse...

The wall crumbles down... yet the bricks hold on together... Hey!!! Who's that under the wall? Is he alive? Is he moving? Is he hurt? Ya... Hurt!! Forget it... He limps now... He'll soon start running... It isn't a morning walk anymore... It's a race... And who said that only rats can have a race??? Enjoy running not until you die but till you find no one worthy to race against!!!

No Heading...

My balcony has a brilliant view... Resembles much like a huge picture frame... The painting though really looks best at night... Stars, moon,few clouds... Silence... Much like you standing in the art gallery in absolute silence... Stunned at everything... Suddenly smoke... Ohhh... Where did that come from?? Ahh... The smoke that harms you... Nicotine going in... But who cares!!! It's nature's gift (or curse) so enjoy it with the nature's painting... Smoke up... Dope... Stay natural!!!

Blabberwocky!!! Or is it some other word??

A year gone... Lot has gone by... A lot has been added... Left all my baggages... Picked up nothing and have ventured out... A lunatic by the day... A log at night... Early morning eyes scare me... Smallest and insignificant things make me happy... Larger things are beyond comprehension... Counting the pennies... Thinking of saving... Thoughts they are... Memories crowd... Move apart... Everybody moving apart... Avoid all... A Void... Thats all... Am I drunk? You must be kidding!! An ode to a certain (or uncertain??) emptiness...

Aaarrrggghhh.....

How many more days of being like this? How many more days of change? How many more days of not being myself? I am starting to hate all this now. Just hate.... But..... This is what I have to do for the rest of my life. This is what is my future..... This is what I am, I guess... Aaarrrggghhh...

I want... But...

Going on & on... Searching for something... I don't know what... May be a little bit of help would do good... I am tired of posts that mean nothing... Was wondering why not post a list of "I want"... Here it goes...


1) An I-POD. ( I have become an ear-phone addict)


2) A Blackberry. ( My cell just refuses to work with higher memory!!)


3) A laptop which is a bit faster. ( Would have saved me at least 1 hour everyday in my internship)


4) Loads of sleep. ( Have forgotten when was the last time i missed my lunch coz I was sleeping for the past 14 hours.)



5) A nice job with nice pay at a nice place. ( Sorry no side comments for this!!:-( )



Well having said all these I wonder when we will stop complaining & wanting so much luxury... Even if we don't want luxury we want stuff just to keep us happy... We just keep on wanting... Should it be so???


Somebody rightly said " I used to complain that I have no shoes until I went out & met a man who had no feet. "

Nothing

Third attempt to write something... May be I'll be third time lucky... Well... A mental block... Nothing comes to my mind... I'll stop here... May be tomorrow will be a better day...

Letter... Word... Sentence... Novel...

Letters... Letters essential for life... Essential for the very existence of life is fast disappearing... Or should I say the letter for life has already disappeared... And with that disappearance the words have stopped making sense... They are not interesting anymore... They are mundane... Simple... New words are being formed constantly but the old words need to be revived soon... The sentences are more or less the same but the effect of the new words are not as strong the old words'... Strange... Funny... Sad... Guilty... How did that letter get lost??? Can anyone help??? Or do I ask the letter itself to help me out... The novel is still incomplete... But I think the letter won't be there in my novel again... It has moved on to different language altogether I guess... Ahhh.... Blessed is the letter which decides to move on... Alone... What's in a language anyway????

Faces, Men, Minds...

A face just floats by... It has no identity... It has no name... Yet its a familiar face... Face, Face, Face... So many things are symbolized by the face... Yet the so very familiar face is now just another face... Funny how things change... Funny how some things never change... The face hasn't changed... The familiarity has... Try & remember... Try & remember... Who was it??? Who was it??? Ahhhh..... The face has a name... But the name is much hated... Bunk the name... Next what do we do??? Errrr....Well, forget the face... It has troubled a lot... New faces are on their way... Funny how some faces change & the people having them... Everybody thought about the face... The person was forgotten... Nobody understood the person... Everybody misunderstood... Sad world... A sadder face... But its the mind that is the saddest... Don't worry mind... You share the same fate as the face... Your time will come soon... Till then... Bye Bye...

Not Much To Write...

A few of my favourite posts...... The laziness in me has completely taken over & hence this total lack in life.... Sorry for any unintentional plagiarism.....

• It's time to leave...

• Woman or Wo(e)man...

• The "Cold" Bengali...

• Al-Gibber...

• Cities in the Air...

The Magician...

Nothing seems nice these days... Strange!!! Too much work to do with no brains to work with... Well the void needs to be decreased & I see no way out... Waiting for a miracle or rather waiting to create one... Moses will rise again... Water will flow out of the rocks & magic shall be created... Such are the stuff dreams are made of... Not the materialistic wants we have... The magician will return to his full glory... Its just a matter of time... Till then I am what I am & have to be what I am...

It Goes On....

Ahhh!!! I'm back.... Only for a moment & the moment's gone!!! I shudder in this bloggers' world... Songs are scribbled & joy rides are described... Bombastic words... strong enough blow the living cells out of my tiny little brain... I survive... Estranged, bereft of company & monotony sets in... I'm no superman, yet expected to be so... I live on with the burden of angry souls screaming out my name in a dark alley with a dead-end... I'm human... I make mistakes... I'm Clueless yet Clues are what I have to find... I'm confused yet CON is the word they use to define me... Nobody cares for the inner truth... What are they doing??? Mistakes mistakes... Life goes on... I live on... And so do my mistakes...